I'm Going to Eat My Bread and Have it Too.. So I Can Have More Later!

With the new fad in Reno being healthy eating and gym membership - yes, I said fad - it's hard to avoid the stereotypical topics of conversations that go along with that. 

Every day on social media you see people checking in at the gym, posting photos of their workouts, before and after progress, healthy dinner photos and more. Unlike many others, I don't think this is a bad thing nor do I find it annoying. In some ways, I actually find it to be inspirational and motivational.

What I do find annoying, however, is when people decide that telling others what food is healthy and unhealthy to consume is OK. I understand offering advice or sharing knowledge of some delicious, intriguing recipes, but judging what people consume based on their current shape, size, or overall health is simply preposterous. 

I have been told many times - by people who frequent the gym - to avoid eating pasta as much as I do, to eat a healthy breakfast and make sure I don't skip it and to substitute unhealthy foods with healthy foods. The thing that annoys me the most is when I'm in the middle of eating something and someone says, "That is so bad for you." 

Oh, is it? I had no idea Mac 'n Cheese was bad for me. Let me put this down and eat something with less sodium, less carbs, less fat and less sugar. I'll eat a celery stick. Yes - that is what I will do. 

It's like, listen, I am a healthy person overall. One freaking bowl of Mac 'n Cheese isn't going to kill me. Nor is it going to make my thighs grow three sizes bigger by the time I get to the bottom of the bowl. Eating pasta is actually OK believe it or not. Should I eat it every day? No. Do I? No. Thank you. 

That brings me to my next point - people who tell you the nutrition facts about food you are either eating or thinking about eating, as if you can't read the package yourself. Thanks for the vocabulary lesson, but could you save it for after dinner? Based on what you are telling me, i'm trying to eat my way to death over here and I might not have to listen to you anymore. 

Unwanted nutrition facts aren't cool. Period.

Furthermore, just because I didn't go to the gym this week does not mean I am lazy. It means I am enjoying my time at home and don't feel like going. Or maybe I am blogging.. which is more important anyway. 

Lastly, if I want to eat some candy. I'm going to eat some damn candy. I am a grown woman and last I checked it wasn't a crime to to eat a spoonful of sugar - just ask Mary Poppins! So jump down off your high, organic-fed horse and get with reality. Not everyone shops at Whole Foods and has designated leg, arm, back, neck, nose, and toes days at the gym.

Now, before everyone jumps on me for this I will say, I have talked about the fact that I shouldn't eat the donuts at work on donut-Fridays but that is different. First of all, it is MY body so I can decide whether I should or should not eat the glazed goodness. Second, donut-Fridays happen every week so I am bound to tell myself to refrain at some point. Bottom line? You should only be telling yourself what to eat and not eat. 

There is another side to this issue though. 

I am a relatively in-shape female who would like to continue being relatively in-shape. That being said, sometimes I actually do leave my blog to go to the gym or other times I will trade out the sugary cereal for egg whites in the morning. When this happens I don't need people asking me why I am working out or why I am eating healthy. Did it ever occur to you that I might like the taste of salad when I am eating it? I don't ask you why you are eating pie when you already have an ass, so don't ask me why I am eating egg whites when I don't need to lose weight. To my knowledge, simply eating egg whites won't make me drop ten pounds. If it did, I wouldn't need a gym membership - or my job, because I would have a chicken farm and be rich. 

Just because I choose to be healthy 68% of the time doesn't mean I think I am fat or need to lose weight. It's called prevention. I am preventing myself from becoming unhealthy and living an unhealthy lifestyle. I don't want to gain weight and have to work to lose it. I want to maintain my current lifestyle so that doesn't happen. I mean, I don't know about you all but I am trying to work smarter not harder. 

Not to mention, I happen to like being semi-healthy. Sometimes. 

The overall idea here is this: you shouldn't concern yourself with what other people are doing. If they want to eat pasta, let them eat pasta. If they want to eat a salad, let them eat a salad. Because I can tell you that no matter how many times someone tells me not to eat the extra piece of bread at the Italian restaurant before dinner - I'm going to eat it. 

The Killer.

In all of my 21 years I have never encountered something so detrimental. I have never seen something so small engulf everything in its path like it does. I have never wanted something to disappear as much as I do The Killer.

It lures. It deceives. It captures. It hooks. It harms. And it kills.

It kills dreams. It kills opportunities. It kills potential.

It takes lives right out from under people.

It collects souls in a little, tiny bag and it carries it everywhere and suffocates them until they bow before it.

It rips apart families and causes incomparable pain and anxiety.

It steals youth away from the innocent.

Its a killer.

We call this killer drugs.


My point of view is different than some in that I have explored my fair share of The Killer's territory. I haven't wandered too far into the neighborhood but enough to know I don't want to live there. It is dirty. It is dark. And most repulsive of all - it is sad. It's a very sad place to be.

And coming from a person who has seen, first hand, the effects of The Killer, I can tell you that it is not something to be taken lightly. It is serious and once it smells your interest, it won't let you go. It will have a grip on you like a snake that has locked its jaw on its victim.

Currently the victim is someone very close to me and the Killer's grip is strong.

I can't even begin to organize my thoughts into the words that would come close to explaining how I feel about this situation. Sometimes I feel nothing at all and other times I feel helpless and scared that something might happen.

I have woken up numerous times from a reoccurring dream that I can't seem to shake. In this dream I receive a call that something has happened to this person whom I care so much about. Each time I wake up I frantically check my phone to make sure it was, in fact, a dream.

After reassuring myself that everything is OK, I realize soon that nothing is actually OK. That scare being a dream only meant that I didn't receive a call that night. The Killer still has his grip on someone close to my heart. The dream simply serves as a reminder of what could happen. It is a reminder of what this person is experiencing and how deep into the Killer's territory they really are.

To us, the people adversely affected by these types of situations, it seems as though The Killer is more important to our loved ones than we are. However, I have come to realize that this is just not so. The Killer only makes it seem this way. This person who I care so much about never chose one side or the other. The Killer chooses for them when they step into its territory. If I feel helpless, I can only imagine how this person feels.

Trapped. Stuck. Imprisoned.

Imprisoned within the cells of The Killer.

Four tall, concrete walls on either side with only a slight crack and a chisel as means of escaping.

In so deep that it will take everything in their power to get out. Every ounce of will power. Every last bit of self control.

Or maybe just a statement - I NEED HELP.

Because what these people don't realize a lot of the time, is that if they help themselves, if they exert every last bit of self control and every ounce of will power they have left, there are people who will help them. There are family and friends at the top of those tall walls waiting for them to grab hold of the rope they have descended down to them. To grab it and hold it tight so that they might escape the grip of The Killer and make the climb to the top.

Unfortunately though, it is not until they grab the rope that they can be helped. They can't be lifted by the strength of others unless they take that first step themselves.

With every cell of my being, with every bit of hope, and with every last ounce of love I have in my heart for this person, I hope they can find the strength to reach up and grab that rope. I will do everything it takes to pull this person up, I just need to see some commitment, some promise, some light in their eyes.

I know it is still there.

I know you are still in there.


** This post is written without names for a reason, so please respect that decision.

Blink: An Original Piece

The days passed slowly and you hoped and prayed and wished

That the day would end soon, because it was killing you.

All the thoughts racing through your mind, just waiting to explode
Like a bomb, and it was only a matter of time.

Tick, tick, tick, 

But when you looked up at the clock it was only noon, 

and you realized your day wouldn’t end soon.

But when you really look back, the time went so fast, 

Like one minute it’s there and the next it’s gone. 

The disappearing time of the reoccurring rhyme and rhythm of your day.

Where did it all go?

Yesterday you were on the swings, care-free, cootie sharing, whitey-tighty wearing,

But then you blink. 

And you’re at work then school then home with the mess and the stress, 

and pressure of all the responsibilities of being how old? Too old! 

Where did the years go? Who said it could go by so fast?  Not me.

Does my life begin now or did it begin then? 

And the bomb comes back because your thoughts are racing,

 and you’re running out of time. 

Tick, tick, tick,

And then you blink.

Monday Night Crafts With the Girls: My Perfect Plan to Make Friends

I need to join a yoga class or a book club or something equally as social so I can make friends. I feel as though I am in that awkward stage of life where making friends is difficult if I don't already have them.

I am no longer in school, seeing the same people every day. I am no longer on a sports team where I can bond with the other girls during practices and games. I work an 8-5 job with engineers as old as my parents, so my chances of making lasting friendships at work are slim to none. Now, don't get me wrong. There are many people I adore and consider friends that are much older than me, but I would like to meet people who are similar in age and enjoy similar activities (and who don't mind hearing me complain about life every now and then).

The fact of the matter is, if someone asked me who my best friend was, I wouldn't know what to say. I don't have an answer to that. If someone asked me who I hang out with most frequently, I still wouldn't know what to say. I don't hang out much. I am not complaining by any means, I just think it's time to branch out and make some friends. Some that can hopefully put up with me, because apparently its a task.

On my 21st birthday, everyone except my boyfriend bailed. Who does that? We had plans to form two teams and complete a drinking scavenger hunt down town, moving from bar to bar. However, I ended up ringing in the legal years with my boyfriend, his roommate, and his roommates two friends who decided to join us last minute. Yippee! It actually turned out to be a great night, but it would have also been neat to stick to the plan and be surrounded by people I already know.

So, it's either the fact that they can't put up with me or I am simply incapable of making and keeping close friends; unless of course that friend is 800 miles away in the middle of no where. I met that friend on a whirlwind weekend during the chaos of her wedding planning and we just fit together like two long lost puzzle pieces. Sometimes it works out that way - you just immediately click with someone. And then sometimes that friend tells you that they live in Missoula, Montana and won't be able to hang out but twice a year. It happens, trust me.

That being said, I have come up with the perfect plan to make friends: Monday Night Crafts with the Girls. Unfortunately that doesn't create some awesome acronym we can use to describe our group like we did back when we were in high school. No big deal though. I have a feeling we will get by without needing an acronym.

But seriously, am I the only one who thinks this would be totally fun?

We can sit around and craft away while we sip our wine and talk about whatever is on our minds. Not to mention, every female I know has a Pinterest board full of projects they wish they had the time to complete but with the Girls Craft Nights we will all be making time! We can finally cross some of those items of our Pinterest bucket list and enjoy good company while doing it. I know I have some craft items still in my closet that were never completed.

I hope I don't sound like a crazy lady who really has 16 cats and is about to go start talking to her other-self any minute...

hahaha

Seriously, I think this is a solid plan!

What I've Learned About Forgiveness Through Loving

Failure. Webster's defines failure as "a state of inability to perform a normal function."

The inability to make it down the side of a mountain on a snowboard without falling is failure. The inability to pass a science test is failure. The inability to cook macaroni and cheese without burning it is failure. These are all normal functions. People all over the world perform these functions on a daily basis. So if a 'normal function' is described as something that happens frequently, is love a normal function? Can love be failed? People love all the time. Every day. Morning and night. People love emotionally, physically, and mentally. Can one really fail at love? According to Webster's - yes, there is the possibility of failing at love.

Love. Webster's defines love as an "unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another."

If love is truly loyal and unselfish, can one fail at such an act? Mistakes can be made - of course, but can one truly fail? Is it possible to have a definite inability to love another human being? I have seen many couples fall out of love, but that act in itself is not failure. In such cases, it is not an inability to love the other person but a helplessness. The heart wants what the heart wants and it's as simple as that.

Forgive. Webster's defines forgive as "to cease to feel resentment."

Learning to forgive is probably one of the hardest things human beings and their respective hearts are tasked with. In my experience, forgiveness comes from the heart because a lot of the time the acts that require forgiving are matters of the heart. To forgive takes thought, emotion, judgement and, in my opinion, ambition. If you lack one of those components, the end result may not be the desired one.

Personally, I think the only time one can fail is when that person gives up. If one has mastered the art of forgiveness, can one really fail? Think about it. Forgiveness does not always include two parties. People have to forgive themselves from time to time as well. If someone fails at something but can truly forgive themselves for whatever it may be, they should be able to move on, therefore no longer being a failure. The same goes for love.

If something went wrong in the course of one's love, they cannot be considered a failure if they learn to forgive.

What I have learned is that giving up on love based on one mistake is unfair. It is not fair to myself, my partner in crime or the love itself. Love, as defined earlier in this piece, deserves a chance, or two or even three. Love is an unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. If couples continually gave up because of one mistake... if that was the approach most couples took in their relationships, we would be experiencing a much higher divorce rate than we currently are. We would be walking the streets with loveless beings and ones who don't know forgiveness. I can only speak for myself but, that doesn't seem like a happy place to be.

Maybe this outlook on life stems from the ever present relationship between my parents. They are high school sweethearts through and through. What I mean by this is that they have never failed. They have never given up on themselves, on each other or on their kids. I know that with the rough times our family has experienced my parents probably have had many chances to give up - but they didn't. Love, forgiveness and loyalty overcame the hard times. All of them. Every single one.

It is possible that this outlook on life stems from the ever present relationships I see around me and have seen around me since I was a child. Fathers stepping up to the plate becoming dad's to children who are not their own but treating them as if they were. Wives who stuck by their husbands during times of alcoholism and drug abuse. Families who pulled through even the worst times and still came out on top, as a family with faith that things will continue to get better. These fathers, wives, husbands and families all had to learn to forgive at some point in their lives and that, I believe, is why they are still going strong today.

Failure to forgive or learn forgiveness is something I couldn't live with. It's not easy but I know that learning to forgive is better than carrying resentment on your shoulders and in your mind everywhere you go.

I am so thankful for having gone through these recent experiences because my previous outlook was tainted by assumptions made by peering into the lives of others and judging their relationships from the outside. The truth is, everyone is different and every relationship is different. One of the most unhealthy habits we have is comparing ourselves to others. Making decisions based on what another person is doing or what another person thinks is unhealthy to a growing individual.

I chose to learn to forgive, especially regarding matters close to the heart and the minute I made that decision, I was instantly a happier person.

My boyfriend and I will be celebrating a year of being together in September. Like those couples I wrote about earlier, we too have had our own hurdles to jump, big ones at that. However, in the midst of the chaos we realized we were missing an integral part of our relationship and that was forgiveness. So, we continue on as two individuals growing together and learning forgiveness.

Living for Today: A New Concept

I always plan for the future. Always have and always will. It's in my blood, it's embedded in my DNA, and it helps make me who I am. If I want something, I figure out how to get it and I do it. If I want to go somewhere, I make sure everything is done that needs to be done for that trip to happen. I save money, I talk to employers, I plan for a place to stay, I pack sandwiches and snacks for the long drive. I plan.

This skill is both a blessing and a curse. It has recently come up in conversations with my family and friends and it has started to weigh on me. Not that I don't like planning and being prepared but these conversations have made me realize that sometimes a balance of spontaneity and planning can be more enjoyable than strictly planning.

Now, does this mean I am going to stop saving money to buy a house? Absolutely not. Does this mean I am going to stop seeking out new adventures and making them happen by preparing? Not at all. What it means is that I am going to start choosing happiness over stress. I am going to start choosing to live and experience life without worrying too much about what could happen. All my life I have worried about what could or might happen and I've been missing out on what's actually happening.

Some people may read that, think about my life and come to the conclusion that I, in fact, haven't missed out on life because I have had a great one, and I have. But the thing is, my planning has taken over parts of my life that could be more rich had I lived in the moment.

For example, I was so involved in my education and making something of myself that I did early school every chance I could get. In 6th grade I attended a private, college preparatory school that was out of my budget and out of my normal, blue-collar, working neighborhood. A college preparatory school... in 6th grade. I was learning the ins and outs of the Latin language at age twelve. Then other kids who attended the school started to tell me I didn't belong with them. I was different. I left the school after that year.

In 8th grade I left my public junior high and went to the local high school to take high school classes early. Not many students were very fond of the 8th graders. The following year I took a college course at the local community college to explore my interest in Criminal Justice. I was fourteen. In my junior year of high school I decided that the college classes were more up my alley so I left high school to attend an early-college program at the community college. I was taking college courses on a college campus at sixteen.

Due to the number of college credits I had when I graduated high school, I decided not to play softball at the junior college that was interested in me. I already had two years under my belt and it would be a waste of time to take more classes there just to play for their team.

Waste of time? Waste of time to play the sport I love and have loved for 14 years? I missed out. I definitely missed out.

Here we are two years later and I already have my Bachelors degree, an 8-5 job in my field and a few years worth of internship experience under my belt. Where are my photo albums full of the college experience? Where are the endless memories of the friends I made and places we went? Hell, I didn't even go to my senior prom because I didn't care to experience that part of high school. I was too focused on planning my future and making something of myself.

However, this is not to say I am not proud of what I did and who I have become. I am very proud. I have proven to myself and others that hard work definitely pays off. But I am finding that in my short 21 years, I wish I had let lose a few more times than I did. I wish I had gone out on a limb and seized the moment like my adventurous side wanted to many times.

So I am telling myself now to experience life instead of just live through it. That doesn't start this weekend with a party i'm going to; that doesn't start next month with my trip to Europe; it starts now. Experiencing life and living for today starts now. I choose happiness.

Coming from a life-long over-achiever, I suggest you all do the same.

Learning to Make Decisions: Not Everything in Life Can be Black and White

Follow your heart.
Follow your head.
Follow your gut.

At this point, I would rather not make the decision and just follow the yellow brick road instead. Maybe it will lead me to a place where answers grow on trees. Then I can just walk up and pick one as easily as picking a flower and everything would be alright. (Do you hear the tiny violin yet?)

Decisions dealing with matters of the heart are ones I have not had to make in the past and I certainly hope they get easier with time and practice. I have never been so ill-prepared when it comes to making a choice. One or the other. College or no college. Save money or spend money. It has always been black and white to me. This gray area nonsense is going to make my head explode.

It's as if I am standing in front of two doors and the floor below me is slowing falling. I have to chose a door but one leads the right way and one leads the wrong way. Oh, and the signs on the door are in Chinese.  My heart, mind, gut and the yellow brick road only read English and a maybe a bit of Spanish. This is a problem.

The way I see it now, I have two choices. I can follow my heart and learn by experience (either trial and error or trial and success) or I can follow my head and never know what results the other option could have yielded.

I know that everyone is going to have an opinion. I know that either way, people will give me their advice, wanted and unwanted. But I am certain about one thing, I am the only one that can make this decision. Frightening a little. However, I know this isn't the end-all-be-all. Life goes on and happiness will continue to shine in my life. It has to - otherwise it just isn't my life.

This section of the 'decision-making book' came as a surprise but I have faith that it will make me stronger in the end, regardless of which door I end up walking through.

In fact, simply writing my thoughts down (or typing them, rather) has made things a bit clearer.

Standing in the area that is shaded gray is an experience, I tell ya!

If you ever find yourself in a similar predicament, here is something to think about:

Backpacking Alone: My Thoughts on the Subject a Month Before I Leave

Planning a trip like this has been an adventure in it's own. After going through all of the planning and preparing I can't imagine the things I will experience actually being there. Throughout the course of the preparation, I have planned to make this trip happen with four different groups, totaling about six or eight people. Now, I am just about five weeks out and all of those plans have failed for one reason or another. The result? I will be backpacking through Europe alone. I am both nervous and excited at the same time but I know that this trip is not going to be postponed because of lack of friends available to accompany me. What an adventure this has turned into!

I am into the purchasing and packing stage of this trip and it's making me a little anxious. I have my backpack already, courtesy of my parents and their thoughtful graduation gift, and I love it! It is purple  with teal accents and has all of the pockets, clips and hooks I will ever need! Oh, and it is about half my size. It is bigger than I would realistically need but then again, it is me I am talking about. I need room to bring home souvenirs and gifts.. and maybe a few bottles of wine! ;) 

Here is the backpack:

Packing this thing is going to be interesting. The sales associate who helped me at REI gave me some tips as far as where to put specific items and heavy items but overall I feel like it is going to be an unorganized mess after the first few days.

I am trying to put together a checklist of items I will need to purchase and bring with me so I don't forget anything. However, I feel that it is inevitable and I will end up forgetting something. I just hope it isn't something important. Forgetting something I will absolutely need is on my list of reasons I am nervous. If I am alone that means I can't borrow any items from friends. I will also need to navigate my way to the place where I can find the items I need...alone. Oh boy. So that brings me to my lists (I am a list person if you couldn't already tell).
Reasons Why I am Nervous:

1. I will be alone - Duh
2. I might get bored and start talking to myself - a legitimate fear
3. I might get lost - with current technology this is a little less likely, however still possible
4. I might forget something important 
5. There is the possibility of being pick-pocketed or having my things stolen - you best believe I will be attached to my backpack and all of my stuff at all times!

Reasons Why I am Excited:

1. I have only been out of the country on a spur of the moment trip to Canada so my Dad could grab some Cuban Cigars - that's right, my Dad is a rebel!
2. I will finally get to do what I have wanted to do for so long!
3. I will be able to experience the culture and atmosphere of about eight different countries
4. The places I will be able to visit and the things I will be able to see are going to give me unforgettable experiences and memories.
5. Food. Oh man am I excited for the food. 
6. Meeting new people - I have always loved just listening to the stories of others and I can't wait to talk to random people from each country and hear about their lives. Whether it be a quick story about their journey to the coffee shop that morning or the story of how they met the love of their life 50 years ago, I am excited to hear stories. 
7. This trip will be a true test of my individuality and I am excited to push my boundaries.
8. Trains. I have never been on a train so I can't wait to try it. This will be a trip of "firsts!"
9. Green land! Coming from Nevada, it is rare to see an area full of colors and life so I can't wait to photograph the beautiful scenery. 
10. This will be a fantastic opportunity to blog about my experiences. Writing is what I do and what I love and I can't wait to document this trip for everyone to experience with me! 

Clearly there are more reasons to be excited than to be nervous and some aren't even on the list yet! For those of you who are worried for me - thank you. Someone needs to be! I promise I will take all necessary precautions to be as safe as I possibly can on this adventure of a lifetime! All of the right people will have my itenerary and I will be calling my parents with each new leg of the trip to update them on my travels and where I plan to go next. 

One thing I learned during this experience so far is that you can't depend on other people to experience life. You must experience it for yourself. I am going to do just that in about five weeks! 

Check back for more updates leading up to my trip and the stories and experiences that I record while I am there! 

xoxo

European Challenge

My cousin has been a big help in getting me to Europe at a hugely discounted rate. Because of this, I told him he could have something from each country I visit. He responded with something I wasn't expecting but, being the adventurous person I am, I accepted the challenge.

He told me that in return for the cheap airfare he wants a photo of me "planking" by each famous landmark I visit. Now, for those of you who are unaware of the term "planking," it is a fad or an activity consisting of lying face-down in unusual or incongruous places, with both hands at the body's side, mimicking a wooden plank. People all around the world have participated in this activity and there have been documented planks in many of the places I want to visit already.

Because I am different and unique (you may use other words to describe me, but that is what I am sticking to) I do not want to be that American tourist that is planking all over the place in my khaki cargo shorts and red, white or blue visor. And although I won't be wearing a visor or khaki shorts (ever), I don't want to be pointed out and labeled as the 'dumb American tourist.'

So, my question to all of you is this: what can I do near each landmark I visit, capture in a photo and gift to my cousin as a hilarious form of repayment?

Here are a few rules I'd like to give some attention to before declaring my European Challenge:
1. It has to be funny, because it won't scream "KATIE" if it isn't.
2. It has to be respectful to culture and diversity. In other words, don't suggest I flip off the camera in front of every landmark (or anything similarly disrespectful).
3. It has to be fun and easy to capture in a photograph.

I would enjoy hearing some suggestions and input as I will be planning and preparing for this before my trip!