In all of my 21 years I have never encountered something so detrimental. I have never seen something so small engulf everything in its path like it does. I have never wanted something to disappear as much as I do The Killer.
It lures. It deceives. It captures. It hooks. It harms. And it kills.
It kills dreams. It kills opportunities. It kills potential.
It takes lives right out from under people.
It collects souls in a little, tiny bag and it carries it everywhere and suffocates them until they bow before it.
It rips apart families and causes incomparable pain and anxiety.
It steals youth away from the innocent.
Its a killer.
We call this killer drugs.
My point of view is different than some in that I have explored my fair share of The Killer's territory. I haven't wandered too far into the neighborhood but enough to know I don't want to live there. It is dirty. It is dark. And most repulsive of all - it is sad. It's a very sad place to be.
And coming from a person who has seen, first hand, the effects of The Killer, I can tell you that it is not something to be taken lightly. It is serious and once it smells your interest, it won't let you go. It will have a grip on you like a snake that has locked its jaw on its victim.
Currently the victim is someone very close to me and the Killer's grip is strong.
I can't even begin to organize my thoughts into the words that would come close to explaining how I feel about this situation. Sometimes I feel nothing at all and other times I feel helpless and scared that something might happen.
I have woken up numerous times from a reoccurring dream that I can't seem to shake. In this dream I receive a call that something has happened to this person whom I care so much about. Each time I wake up I frantically check my phone to make sure it was, in fact, a dream.
After reassuring myself that everything is OK, I realize soon that nothing is actually OK. That scare being a dream only meant that I didn't receive a call that night. The Killer still has his grip on someone close to my heart. The dream simply serves as a reminder of what could happen. It is a reminder of what this person is experiencing and how deep into the Killer's territory they really are.
To us, the people adversely affected by these types of situations, it seems as though The Killer is more important to our loved ones than we are. However, I have come to realize that this is just not so. The Killer only makes it seem this way. This person who I care so much about never chose one side or the other. The Killer chooses for them when they step into its territory. If I feel helpless, I can only imagine how this person feels.
Trapped. Stuck. Imprisoned.
Imprisoned within the cells of The Killer.
Four tall, concrete walls on either side with only a slight crack and a chisel as means of escaping.
In so deep that it will take everything in their power to get out. Every ounce of will power. Every last bit of self control.
Or maybe just a statement - I NEED HELP.
Because what these people don't realize a lot of the time, is that if they help themselves, if they exert every last bit of self control and every ounce of will power they have left, there are people who will help them. There are family and friends at the top of those tall walls waiting for them to grab hold of the rope they have descended down to them. To grab it and hold it tight so that they might escape the grip of The Killer and make the climb to the top.
Unfortunately though, it is not until they grab the rope that they can be helped. They can't be lifted by the strength of others unless they take that first step themselves.
With every cell of my being, with every bit of hope, and with every last ounce of love I have in my heart for this person, I hope they can find the strength to reach up and grab that rope. I will do everything it takes to pull this person up, I just need to see some commitment, some promise, some light in their eyes.
I know it is still there.
I know you are still in there.
** This post is written without names for a reason, so please respect that decision.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Friday, July 26, 2013
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
What I've Learned About Forgiveness Through Loving
Failure. Webster's defines failure as "a state of inability to perform a normal function."
The inability to make it down the side of a mountain on a snowboard without falling is failure. The inability to pass a science test is failure. The inability to cook macaroni and cheese without burning it is failure. These are all normal functions. People all over the world perform these functions on a daily basis. So if a 'normal function' is described as something that happens frequently, is love a normal function? Can love be failed? People love all the time. Every day. Morning and night. People love emotionally, physically, and mentally. Can one really fail at love? According to Webster's - yes, there is the possibility of failing at love.
Love. Webster's defines love as an "unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another."
If love is truly loyal and unselfish, can one fail at such an act? Mistakes can be made - of course, but can one truly fail? Is it possible to have a definite inability to love another human being? I have seen many couples fall out of love, but that act in itself is not failure. In such cases, it is not an inability to love the other person but a helplessness. The heart wants what the heart wants and it's as simple as that.
Forgive. Webster's defines forgive as "to cease to feel resentment."
Learning to forgive is probably one of the hardest things human beings and their respective hearts are tasked with. In my experience, forgiveness comes from the heart because a lot of the time the acts that require forgiving are matters of the heart. To forgive takes thought, emotion, judgement and, in my opinion, ambition. If you lack one of those components, the end result may not be the desired one.
Personally, I think the only time one can fail is when that person gives up. If one has mastered the art of forgiveness, can one really fail? Think about it. Forgiveness does not always include two parties. People have to forgive themselves from time to time as well. If someone fails at something but can truly forgive themselves for whatever it may be, they should be able to move on, therefore no longer being a failure. The same goes for love.
If something went wrong in the course of one's love, they cannot be considered a failure if they learn to forgive.
What I have learned is that giving up on love based on one mistake is unfair. It is not fair to myself, my partner in crime or the love itself. Love, as defined earlier in this piece, deserves a chance, or two or even three. Love is an unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. If couples continually gave up because of one mistake... if that was the approach most couples took in their relationships, we would be experiencing a much higher divorce rate than we currently are. We would be walking the streets with loveless beings and ones who don't know forgiveness. I can only speak for myself but, that doesn't seem like a happy place to be.
Maybe this outlook on life stems from the ever present relationship between my parents. They are high school sweethearts through and through. What I mean by this is that they have never failed. They have never given up on themselves, on each other or on their kids. I know that with the rough times our family has experienced my parents probably have had many chances to give up - but they didn't. Love, forgiveness and loyalty overcame the hard times. All of them. Every single one.
It is possible that this outlook on life stems from the ever present relationships I see around me and have seen around me since I was a child. Fathers stepping up to the plate becoming dad's to children who are not their own but treating them as if they were. Wives who stuck by their husbands during times of alcoholism and drug abuse. Families who pulled through even the worst times and still came out on top, as a family with faith that things will continue to get better. These fathers, wives, husbands and families all had to learn to forgive at some point in their lives and that, I believe, is why they are still going strong today.
Failure to forgive or learn forgiveness is something I couldn't live with. It's not easy but I know that learning to forgive is better than carrying resentment on your shoulders and in your mind everywhere you go.
I am so thankful for having gone through these recent experiences because my previous outlook was tainted by assumptions made by peering into the lives of others and judging their relationships from the outside. The truth is, everyone is different and every relationship is different. One of the most unhealthy habits we have is comparing ourselves to others. Making decisions based on what another person is doing or what another person thinks is unhealthy to a growing individual.
I chose to learn to forgive, especially regarding matters close to the heart and the minute I made that decision, I was instantly a happier person.
My boyfriend and I will be celebrating a year of being together in September. Like those couples I wrote about earlier, we too have had our own hurdles to jump, big ones at that. However, in the midst of the chaos we realized we were missing an integral part of our relationship and that was forgiveness. So, we continue on as two individuals growing together and learning forgiveness.
The inability to make it down the side of a mountain on a snowboard without falling is failure. The inability to pass a science test is failure. The inability to cook macaroni and cheese without burning it is failure. These are all normal functions. People all over the world perform these functions on a daily basis. So if a 'normal function' is described as something that happens frequently, is love a normal function? Can love be failed? People love all the time. Every day. Morning and night. People love emotionally, physically, and mentally. Can one really fail at love? According to Webster's - yes, there is the possibility of failing at love.
Love. Webster's defines love as an "unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another."
If love is truly loyal and unselfish, can one fail at such an act? Mistakes can be made - of course, but can one truly fail? Is it possible to have a definite inability to love another human being? I have seen many couples fall out of love, but that act in itself is not failure. In such cases, it is not an inability to love the other person but a helplessness. The heart wants what the heart wants and it's as simple as that.
Forgive. Webster's defines forgive as "to cease to feel resentment."
Learning to forgive is probably one of the hardest things human beings and their respective hearts are tasked with. In my experience, forgiveness comes from the heart because a lot of the time the acts that require forgiving are matters of the heart. To forgive takes thought, emotion, judgement and, in my opinion, ambition. If you lack one of those components, the end result may not be the desired one.
Personally, I think the only time one can fail is when that person gives up. If one has mastered the art of forgiveness, can one really fail? Think about it. Forgiveness does not always include two parties. People have to forgive themselves from time to time as well. If someone fails at something but can truly forgive themselves for whatever it may be, they should be able to move on, therefore no longer being a failure. The same goes for love.
If something went wrong in the course of one's love, they cannot be considered a failure if they learn to forgive.
What I have learned is that giving up on love based on one mistake is unfair. It is not fair to myself, my partner in crime or the love itself. Love, as defined earlier in this piece, deserves a chance, or two or even three. Love is an unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. If couples continually gave up because of one mistake... if that was the approach most couples took in their relationships, we would be experiencing a much higher divorce rate than we currently are. We would be walking the streets with loveless beings and ones who don't know forgiveness. I can only speak for myself but, that doesn't seem like a happy place to be.
Maybe this outlook on life stems from the ever present relationship between my parents. They are high school sweethearts through and through. What I mean by this is that they have never failed. They have never given up on themselves, on each other or on their kids. I know that with the rough times our family has experienced my parents probably have had many chances to give up - but they didn't. Love, forgiveness and loyalty overcame the hard times. All of them. Every single one.
It is possible that this outlook on life stems from the ever present relationships I see around me and have seen around me since I was a child. Fathers stepping up to the plate becoming dad's to children who are not their own but treating them as if they were. Wives who stuck by their husbands during times of alcoholism and drug abuse. Families who pulled through even the worst times and still came out on top, as a family with faith that things will continue to get better. These fathers, wives, husbands and families all had to learn to forgive at some point in their lives and that, I believe, is why they are still going strong today.
Failure to forgive or learn forgiveness is something I couldn't live with. It's not easy but I know that learning to forgive is better than carrying resentment on your shoulders and in your mind everywhere you go.
I am so thankful for having gone through these recent experiences because my previous outlook was tainted by assumptions made by peering into the lives of others and judging their relationships from the outside. The truth is, everyone is different and every relationship is different. One of the most unhealthy habits we have is comparing ourselves to others. Making decisions based on what another person is doing or what another person thinks is unhealthy to a growing individual.
I chose to learn to forgive, especially regarding matters close to the heart and the minute I made that decision, I was instantly a happier person.
My boyfriend and I will be celebrating a year of being together in September. Like those couples I wrote about earlier, we too have had our own hurdles to jump, big ones at that. However, in the midst of the chaos we realized we were missing an integral part of our relationship and that was forgiveness. So, we continue on as two individuals growing together and learning forgiveness.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Things I've Learned from Talking with Family and Friends
We have all experienced rough times where we seek advice and comfort from those around us. Have you ever experienced 6 different directions of advice on the same subject? I have. Sometimes I leave those conversations feeling even more lost than before. However, I have learned a few important things through personal experience and conversations with family and friends that I believe are worth sharing.
1. When it comes to your heart, no one but yourself can give you the answers.
Seek out as much advice as you can but don't rely solely on what others have to say. I can't express how helpful some of my friends and family members have been just through expression of words and opinions. Sometimes you need to hear about a situation from other people to get an outside perspective. However, like I said earlier, it is important to listen to yourself as well. Don't lose yourself and your own thoughts in the midst of everyone else's. No one knows your heart the way you do, so it's nearly impossible for someone to tell you how you feel and be more accurate than the way you perceive it to be. To be simple, take advice from others and use it to aid in your own decisions, not make them for you.
2. If you hold yourself back from someone or something based on the opinions of others, you might be missing out on something your heart and soul truly need to experience.
This is similar to the above mentioned lesson but takes it a step further. If you make decisions based on what other people tell you, you are bound to miss out on something. Whether that be something fun, adventurous, life-enriching, loving, embarrassing, humbling, or other, you are going to miss out if you live your life by the standards of another person. I have recently listened to a lot of different people who gave me advice about future endeavors and although I appreciate it, it seems as though a lot of those people forgot that I have to experience life for myself rather than through the lens of another life. Similarly to the advice I received, I am now offering some of my own, so please take it as you will but make your own decisions in the end.
3. Just like excuses, opinions are like ass holes, everyone's got one and often times they are shared with us whether we like it or not (the opinions, not the ass holes).
Is there really any more that needs to be said about this? I am currently sharing opinions with you just as you are currently forming your own opinions about what I have shared and maybe even about me? Who knows? The lesson to be learned here is to not take what others say as the end-all-be-all. Make sure your final decisions are based on your own opinions, thoughts, experiences, hopes, dreams, goals, and... well you get what I am trying to say.
Welcome advice from others (it might help you more than you think) but make your own decisions.
One of my favorite things to do is talk to other people and listen to their stories (strangers and friends alike). You can learn a lot by doing just that (I mean, clearly, just look at my list above!).
Until next time..
xoxo
1. When it comes to your heart, no one but yourself can give you the answers.
Seek out as much advice as you can but don't rely solely on what others have to say. I can't express how helpful some of my friends and family members have been just through expression of words and opinions. Sometimes you need to hear about a situation from other people to get an outside perspective. However, like I said earlier, it is important to listen to yourself as well. Don't lose yourself and your own thoughts in the midst of everyone else's. No one knows your heart the way you do, so it's nearly impossible for someone to tell you how you feel and be more accurate than the way you perceive it to be. To be simple, take advice from others and use it to aid in your own decisions, not make them for you.
2. If you hold yourself back from someone or something based on the opinions of others, you might be missing out on something your heart and soul truly need to experience.
This is similar to the above mentioned lesson but takes it a step further. If you make decisions based on what other people tell you, you are bound to miss out on something. Whether that be something fun, adventurous, life-enriching, loving, embarrassing, humbling, or other, you are going to miss out if you live your life by the standards of another person. I have recently listened to a lot of different people who gave me advice about future endeavors and although I appreciate it, it seems as though a lot of those people forgot that I have to experience life for myself rather than through the lens of another life. Similarly to the advice I received, I am now offering some of my own, so please take it as you will but make your own decisions in the end.
3. Just like excuses, opinions are like ass holes, everyone's got one and often times they are shared with us whether we like it or not (the opinions, not the ass holes).
Is there really any more that needs to be said about this? I am currently sharing opinions with you just as you are currently forming your own opinions about what I have shared and maybe even about me? Who knows? The lesson to be learned here is to not take what others say as the end-all-be-all. Make sure your final decisions are based on your own opinions, thoughts, experiences, hopes, dreams, goals, and... well you get what I am trying to say.
Welcome advice from others (it might help you more than you think) but make your own decisions.
One of my favorite things to do is talk to other people and listen to their stories (strangers and friends alike). You can learn a lot by doing just that (I mean, clearly, just look at my list above!).
Until next time..
xoxo
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Job Opportunity
Wednesday I met with people who could provide me with the opportunity to be happy and do what I love doing.
I did not try to sell anyone lies or deceit anyone. I was myself - plain and simple. I was conversational in the interview and told them how I could benefit their company.
Today I received the call that the opportunity has been awarded to me. I was successful in selling myself to people who can help change my life. Today I found out I will be working as the communications and marketing specialist for an engineering company in Reno.
I get to stay by my family, I get to stay by the man I Love and care for deeply. Today I am happy and thankful for these opportunities.
Check back later for updates on my new position. I know I'll have a lot to say and a lot to smile about.
Until next time.
Xoxo
I did not try to sell anyone lies or deceit anyone. I was myself - plain and simple. I was conversational in the interview and told them how I could benefit their company.
Today I received the call that the opportunity has been awarded to me. I was successful in selling myself to people who can help change my life. Today I found out I will be working as the communications and marketing specialist for an engineering company in Reno.
I get to stay by my family, I get to stay by the man I Love and care for deeply. Today I am happy and thankful for these opportunities.
Check back later for updates on my new position. I know I'll have a lot to say and a lot to smile about.
Until next time.
Xoxo
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