Why I Hate the Gynecologist: Part 2

It was a normal day, just like any other, when my phone buzzed atop my desk. I picked it up and read the dreaded reminder I had set a few weeks prior: Gynecologist Appointment - 2 Hours.

Dammit. As if this week wasn't bad enough already, I now have to drop what I am doing (which has a deadline of basically yesterday) and drive across town to the visit the wahoo doctor. Although I switched doctors a while back, these appointments aren't any more appealing than giving a stranger a foot massage or sharing your toothbrush.

Anyway, as requested I showed up to my appointment 15 minutes early to complete the same paperwork I do every year. They claim that "things change" in a year and I silently think to myself, "yeah, well my hate for you and everyone in this office hasn't."

I smiled, sat down and completed the paperwork.

A woman opened the door that leads to the exam rooms and announced a name that I thought was "Katie." I have never been called back so quickly and was pleasantly surprised.

Another woman and I both stood up, looking quizzically at each other. The woman who opened the door said, in a very cheerful manner, "OH NO! Heidi?" Smiling very widely at us both, she wondered who would pull the short stick.

I did.

Looks like I've been listening to the Texan accent for far too long. Heidi sounds a whole lot like the Texas-accented "Katie." I returned to my seat. Looks like they are on their usual time schedule - late.

I scrolled through emails and messages as I waited to be called back. I was also doing kegels (or one really long kegel) in hopes of warding off a trip to the bathroom so I didn't miss my name being called - if they ever decided to call it.

"Katie."

FINALLY.

I walked through the door and the first thing I see is the scale. Crap. Should have gone to the bathroom.

I stepped on the scale, cursing at myself in my mind. This scale must be a magic, physicians-assistant-only scale because my weight appeared and she recorded it without me ever seeing it.

"Did it work or did I break it? haha!" ... She didn't think that was funny.

"It got your weight. You're 131."

EXCUSE ME. I have my boots on, a scarf and a full bladder so you can go ahead and remove 5 pounds. Seriously though.

For some reason I don't think she took me seriously.

We proceed to the exam room where she asks me if I need to use the restroom. I do. I excuse myself and release the two cups of coffee and one bottle of water that I had before the appointment. See - 5 pounds.

When I returned, she took my blood pressure and asked me the same questions that I just answered on the paperwork in the waiting room. I answered with a dull voice.

"This is so fun isn't it?"

I could tell she was being sarcastic but I still didn't appreciate it. No lady. This isn't fun. It's miserable. Is it fun asking patients if this is fun? Do you and your coworkers laugh about it on your lunch break?

Just for that, I'm leaving my socks on even though you told me to get completely undressed. Take that!

When she leaves I am left to sit there in the cold exam room, naked under the gown, thinking and having day terrors about what's going to happen when the doctor comes into the room.

Lucky for me, 45 minutes more minutes passed and the doctor was no where to be found. Frustrated, I stood up, got dressed and left the room. I walked out to the waiting room and up to the front desk, passing 4 employees on my way who all failed to realize I just walked out of the exam room they left me in.

I told the woman at the desk I needed to reschedule. Her response?

"Ok. Are you too early?"

I yelled at her in my mind. "No, broad! You checked me in an hour ago and I still have yet to be seen."

Although, in reality I said, "No, I have been waiting for an hour and can't miss anymore work. I'll need to call later because I don't have time to schedule something here. Please make sure I'm not billed."

I walked out. Frustrated that I drove across town, wasted my lunch hour and time I needed at work to complete projects. The worst part? Now I have to go back in a week or two.

It's just not right that the wahoo doctor can cause this much stress without even using the speculum.

I hate the gynecologist.


Alternate ending:

Katie storms out of the office, frustrated at the situation. On her way back to work, she has nothing to do but think.

You don't have to go to the wahoo doctor unless you have at least one sexual partner right? That means (in my case) a man attached to the equipment.

Hmm..

Before returning to work she stops at Susie's Adult Store and leaves with her new and improved equipment and a "take that wahoo doctor" kind of attitude!

Here's to the single life - a life of pure happiness and no gynecologist appointments.

Four ways to Focus Your Mind

If you are anything like me, your mind looks like an internet window with 2,356 tabs open at once, all the time. I am always thinking about something that needs to be done, someone I need to call, something that needs to be picked up, or sometimes I think about being anywhere other than where I am at the time of the thought. It's like a never ending to-do list and it stresses me out.

I wish I could shut my mind down for 24 hours - just 24 hours. Is that too much to ask? I would even settle with it being shut down for the 5-8 hours of sleep I get at night. That is, if you can call it sleep, when I am constantly waking up worrying about whatever is on my mind. It's not healthy. Not to mention, I get cranky when i'm tired and stressed. No one likes to see my cranky.

The worst part? When all of these things are on my mind, it's hard to focus on just one. (Go figure!) There have been times when I am mid-thought on one topic, my mind jumps to another one and I lose track of where I was in the original thought process.

Now, before I start to sound like I'm losing my mind, I understand there is a level of difficulty that comes with trying to completely free your mind of worries and thoughts, especially when you have legitimate things to worry and think about. Therefore, I have been trying to find ways to at least channel my thoughts and focus on one thing for as long as I feel necessary.

In the off chance there is anyone else out there dealing with something similar (my guess is most women), I am going to share them with you.

1. Write
Multiple studies have been linked to writing things down and better memory. Often times it seems that what is on my mind is something I either don't want to forget, or can't seem to get out of my mind, regardless of how hard I try. The act of writing something down, therefore, frees my mind from keeping it at the forefront of my thoughts because it is recorded elsewhere.

Think of it as mind deception. Even though you may not ever want to read that thought again, you are tricking yourself into thinking you will, at some point, be able to return to that thought, and you no longer need to keep it at the forefront of your mind. If it's something you do want to remember, you have it written down so that's possible without having to remember it in that moment.

Writing also helps focus my mind by challenging me to remain faithful to one topic. When writing about just one topic, all of the thoughts in the forefront of my mind must be related to said topic, therefore keeping me focused.

2. Exercise
"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands. They just don't."

Whether it be a walk around the neighborhood or an intense session of cardio kickboxing, exercise helps free and focus my mind. Generally, the slower-paced exercises help focus my mind and the intense workouts help free my mind. When I am in the middle of a kickboxing combination like jab, cross, low kick, high kick, I think about nothing other than mastering the combination to the best of my ability. When I am walking at a nice, slow pace, enjoying the scenery and taking nice, even breaths, my mind slows down with me. I guess this is why I am going to try yoga. Yes - I said it. I am going to try relaxing with yoga. I have always thought of it as something you need extreme patience for, and since I severely lack that virtue, I never mustered up the courage to try it. I have heard it does wonders for the mind though, so it is on my to-do list. (…irony?)

3. Talk to a Friend
As long as you have a friend who is a good listener, this is a must have tool in your mind-focusing box. Talking to friends helps me let off steam, laugh about things I thought I wanted to cry about, gain an outside perspective, hear advice and above all, it comforts me knowing someone is willing to listen. Having someone who is willing to listen to the stresses of your life (and who is willing to share their stresses with you, in hopes of also having someone to listen) is one of the greatest gifts. I call it friend therapy. It's cheaper than clinical therapy and better for your soul. I am lucky enough to have a few absolutely wonderful, therapeutic friends to talk to.

4. Listen to Music and Sing Along
This one is simply awesome because if the music is loud enough, and I throw in some dance moves, I can hardly hear myself think. A slightly less-effective, but fun way to clear my mind.

If You're a Bird, I'm a Bird

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

I started saying "I caught the travel bug," but now I think i'll just call myself a bird. I can fly anywhere on earth, see all the sights I've dreamed of seeing, and return home if and when I want.

I daydream about travel all the time - probably more so than I should. I think about where I should go next, what kinds of things I can do once I am there and what it will take to get me there.

I dream up ideas, big and small, and make a mental note to add them to the list. I contemplate the idea of traveling alone or with friends. Depending on the location, both options can work. I've traveled alone before and am more than OK with doing it again. I am, however, conscious of my safety and do take that into consideration.

Although, when considering travel partners, it seems like I am the only one who doesn't have something tying me down. Rather, it seems I am the only one who won't let anything tie me down.

I've talked to numerous friends about travel plans and all to often I hear the response "I would love to, but I can't," followed by some explanation as to why they are unable to accompany me or to take trips of their own. Some of these explanations I understand and others I do not. To each their own.

I use to say "I can't," as well. When I stopped saying it, I booked my flight to Paris and began my European backpacking adventure. It was almost as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. A weight that had been keeping me from doing anything outside the norm. The norm being work, school, life in Reno (or one's respective city), the constant ebbs and flows of life being lived in a singular place.

When I made that first purchase, a spark lit up inside me. The gears in mind started turning and I thought to myself, "Why did I ever feel like these things were impossible? Why did I ever think that this particular piece of what I wanted in life was out of reach?"

Aside from financial or physical restrictions, this little birdy can't comprehend what would disable someone from getting exactly what they want out of life. Don't get me wrong - I do understand there are many reasons as to why one might not be able to travel, however most of the time, the reasons are things that can seemingly be overcome.

Personally, it was fear that was holding me back. Fear of doing something outside the boundaries I was generally comfortable with. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown (what may or may not happen while traveling). Fear of financial stability once the adventure ended.

Once I let go of that fear and realized "I can" travel, I can go on adventures, I can live life in more places than just my comfort zone, I did. And, I plan to do it again.

This doesn't mean that I am going to quit my job today and become a travel blogger who the followers know as Nomadic Katie (not that a job title and job description like that wouldn't rock my world), but it does mean that I am not going to let anything keep me from my dreams of travel and adventure. Not money, not a job, not a man, not anything. Even if it starts to seem like it can't be done, it can. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "possible."

"A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not in the branch, but in her own wings. Believe in yourself."

Professional Courtesy: An Open Letter to Business Professionals, Higher-Ups, and Gen-Xers

Dear Business Professionals, Higher-Ups and Gen-Xers,

In a world where Gen Y's, or millennials, are largely looked down upon, criticized and attacked for their laziness, entitled attitudes and lack of hard work, it is highly important that you remember that you were once a twenty-something too.

I don't intend for this letter to be a rant about how millennials have been dealt a bad hand with regards to the economy and job availability. No, this letter is much more than that. This letter is about professional courtesy and how everyone, millennials, gen-Xers, secretaries, CEO's, construction workers, and business owners alike, all deserve professional courtesy and respect. 

In order to truly understand my frustration and stance on the subject, it would be helpful to know what I have been through. 

I was recently on the receiving end of a sincere lack of respect and professional courtesy from a business professional who is fairly high up in his company. This person has a resume with a wealth of experience and knowledge that would appeal to most businesses in his industry. 

After learning about his hard work and dedication to the industry, I was immediately overcome with respect and admiration. I too plan to work hard and dedicate myself to cultivating my passions. Seeing an example of exactly how this type of hard work can pay off was inspiring.

Unfortunately, with a resume like his and the empowerment that presumably comes from his current title, comes an attitude that screams, "I am better than you" and "you are not worth my time."

In fact, I am worth so little of his time that after dedicating a great amount of my time, energy and passion into his questions and inquiries, I waited seven weeks for a response. Seven weeks.

When I finally received an email, I was shocked, to say the least. When I opened it and read the first few words, I was bewildered. 

"As a professional courtesy, I wanted to make sure I got back to you."

First of all, I believe the window for his so called "professional courtesy" had passed. However, since I truly do respect him, appreciate his time, and would like to remain professional, I didn't bother to mention his obvious lack of professional courtesy and instead I responded respectfully.

I must also mention that in his response email, he asked that I stay in touch with him. Interesting.

I responded one last time. In that response, I thanked him for getting back to me, wished him luck in the new year and asked him one last, simple question relating to the topic at hand. 

I am now approaching day 11 with no response, yet again. Go figure.

Although I understand the demands of the industry and how busy a professional of his level can be, I find his behavior toward me, and his complete disregard for my time, rude and unprofessional. 

Coming from someone with as much experience as him, you would think he should understand what it means to be in search of a career that fulfills one's dreams and ambitions. He should understand the value in someone like me seeking advice from someone who has so much to share. He should understand what it takes - the hard work, the time, the extra effort put into each and every related endeavor. 

For someone who also had to, presumably, work his way up from the bottom, he displays a sincere lack of respect for the hard work, time and effort put in by those of us who are still working our way into the industry. It's not easy and at times, it's uncomfortable. 

In a world where we are surrounded by technology, it doesn't seem like it would be too hard to find just one minute to pick up the phone, to turn on that iPad, to open a web browser and send a quick message to someone who has put so much time and effort into reaching out to you. 

Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have heard of or encountered such behavior from professionals who have been in the "working world" longer than me. In fact, I have had similar experiences with folks who have only been doing their jobs for a few years. Regardless, those few years are a few more than I have under my belt, therefore the behavior is justified, right? Wrong. 

It's about respect. It's about professional courtesy. It's about consideration. 

So please, business professionals, higher-ups and gen-xers, if someone - anyone - has taken the time and put in the effort to do something for you or your company, do not blow them off. Give them the respect they deserve, be considerate of what they had to do and the time they put into doing it, and display some professional courtesy. 

After all, the young ones, those of us just starting out, are the future.

Sincerely, 

A frustrated, yet ever-so-motivated, twenty-something

Insecurities - A Slam Poetry Piece

The actions of a few effect more than just the actors.

The harmless talks and meets and greets are more than simple factors.

The time and depth and devotion and emotion that was shared and reciprocated, 

is the reason every inch of me, every aspect of me, my mind, body and soul is becoming hated.

And questioned, 

and second guessed 

and stressed to be better. 

The wonder of why and how could it be, constantly invading me. 

What did she have that I wasn't giving? 

Why was the secret life better than what we were living?

I catapulted myself into a world where size is no longer just a number. 

It's an evaluation of worth and I'm my own discounter. 

At the hands of another woman I now have myself to compare, 

and nothing lives up to any standards that are fair. 

Because when comparing myself to her, my personality must be perfect. 

My life must be more balanced. But if you ask me, 

I'm tired of my hands being callused. 

Callused of wiping my own tears and holding my own hand, 

when what I was supposed to have was a man. 

A man to stand beside me and help me to be better, 

but instead I was unknowingly competing for the letter. 

The title. The loyalty.

The lasting, trusting endeavor, where him and I could be in this together. 

The competition lasted long and the emotions were on high. 

If I had only known about the race I was running, 

I could have stopped questioning our demise. 

Because what was wrong was not a two way street, 

no, to me the wrongs were being done by me. 

Questions constantly came to my mind:

What am I doing to push you so far? 

Why isn't this working? I am trying so hard!

Now even months later, not many things have changed. 

I'm still working hard to please

the person who has been pushed off so far, 

too far to be at ease. 

At ease with herself, just as whole as she is, 

without questioning every minute, 

why a woman on the side stole the attention of his. 

So as this journey continues and I move to make things right,

I will make sure to show them that I don't go down without a fight.

My confidence may have been dented 

and my heart hurt beyond believed ability,

but the pain and aches and questions and cries

will lead me back to being,

a woman without insecurities.