If Others Judged Me the Way I Judge Myself

Being a female, I am no stranger to judgement. Judgement of character, intelligence, and appearance by oneself as well as by others. Everyone is judged at some point in their life but in my experience, females have a tendency to judge themselves more than anything. This phenomena is so intriguing to me.

Recently I have been paying more attention to the things friends tell me about themselves. They don't like their nose. They think they are fat. They have big feet. Most of these things are news to me. I never  once noticed a problem with the nose, or the size of the feet or even the body fat.

This got me thinking. I too pick myself apart at times and notice things that I am unhappy with. Do other people notice these same things? I will not venture to say these little details slide by everyone, however I am sure that most people don't even notice. So why are we judging ourselves? Do we pick ourselves apart because we aren't good enough for society or because we aren't good enough for ourselves? Why are we constantly harping on the things that makes us who we are?

All of these thoughts made my mind start spinning and forced me to imagine a day where everyone else judges me like I normally judge myself. I think it would go something like this:

I wake up, get ready and go downstairs to make breakfast. My roommate walks in the kitchen and I look down at today's ensemble because she must be thinking, wow, Katie really thinks that outfit looks good? 
I leave the house and stop at Starbucks on the way to work - it's going to be one of those days, I just know it. As I wait at the counter for my change, my hands are folded into loose fists because the barista who takes my money must be thinking, she could really use a manicure on those hands. Her chipped nail polish looks terrible. 
I turn around, looking for a place to stand that is out of the way and second guess my high-calorie coffee choice. The man standing behind me must be thinking, she definitely doesn't need that latte today. In fact, she could use a gym session or two. 
I grab my latte and make my way to work. Once there, I put my things down and sit at my computer. My coworker walks by and I inconspicuously put my hand up to my head in an effort to cover my face. I try to make it look like I was pushing hair behind my ear because she must be thinking, looks like Katie forgot to do some of her make up today. 
As the work day passes I get a bit tired. A different coworker comes to my office to ask me a question. I reach my hand up to my head, feel the bun my hair is pulled back into and wonder how it looks right now, because he must be thinking,  Katie should have straightened her hair today. It doesn't look as nice pulled back. 
The work day ends and I make my way home. I am sitting on the couch when my roommate sits next to me. I nervously look down at my underarms for noticeable sweat marks - it was warm in my office today. I do this because my roommate must be thinking, Katie sure does sweat a lot. 
I bet she is also thinking that I smell, too. 

All of these quirks, from my chipped fingernail polish to my nervous armpit check are small parts that help make up who I am. Ask anyone who has spent more than a day with me and they can probably tell you something they've noticed about me that stood out. Whether that be my makeup-less day or my hair that is pulled back into a bun, they notice.

All too often we judge ourselves based on what we think others are thinking of us. I know I am guilty. Although the above description was fictional, some of the things listed have gone through my mind before. Sometimes I do wonder if other people notice my make up, or lack there of. Sometimes I do wonder if people can smell my stressful day at work. However, the question should not be if they wonder, but why does it matter? Who are we being judgmental for?

If other people were, in fact, judging us the way we judge ourselves - it would sound as silly as my description above. And if they aren't making it a point to point these things out, why are we doing it to ourselves?