If Others Judged Me the Way I Judge Myself

Being a female, I am no stranger to judgement. Judgement of character, intelligence, and appearance by oneself as well as by others. Everyone is judged at some point in their life but in my experience, females have a tendency to judge themselves more than anything. This phenomena is so intriguing to me.

Recently I have been paying more attention to the things friends tell me about themselves. They don't like their nose. They think they are fat. They have big feet. Most of these things are news to me. I never  once noticed a problem with the nose, or the size of the feet or even the body fat.

This got me thinking. I too pick myself apart at times and notice things that I am unhappy with. Do other people notice these same things? I will not venture to say these little details slide by everyone, however I am sure that most people don't even notice. So why are we judging ourselves? Do we pick ourselves apart because we aren't good enough for society or because we aren't good enough for ourselves? Why are we constantly harping on the things that makes us who we are?

All of these thoughts made my mind start spinning and forced me to imagine a day where everyone else judges me like I normally judge myself. I think it would go something like this:

I wake up, get ready and go downstairs to make breakfast. My roommate walks in the kitchen and I look down at today's ensemble because she must be thinking, wow, Katie really thinks that outfit looks good? 
I leave the house and stop at Starbucks on the way to work - it's going to be one of those days, I just know it. As I wait at the counter for my change, my hands are folded into loose fists because the barista who takes my money must be thinking, she could really use a manicure on those hands. Her chipped nail polish looks terrible. 
I turn around, looking for a place to stand that is out of the way and second guess my high-calorie coffee choice. The man standing behind me must be thinking, she definitely doesn't need that latte today. In fact, she could use a gym session or two. 
I grab my latte and make my way to work. Once there, I put my things down and sit at my computer. My coworker walks by and I inconspicuously put my hand up to my head in an effort to cover my face. I try to make it look like I was pushing hair behind my ear because she must be thinking, looks like Katie forgot to do some of her make up today. 
As the work day passes I get a bit tired. A different coworker comes to my office to ask me a question. I reach my hand up to my head, feel the bun my hair is pulled back into and wonder how it looks right now, because he must be thinking,  Katie should have straightened her hair today. It doesn't look as nice pulled back. 
The work day ends and I make my way home. I am sitting on the couch when my roommate sits next to me. I nervously look down at my underarms for noticeable sweat marks - it was warm in my office today. I do this because my roommate must be thinking, Katie sure does sweat a lot. 
I bet she is also thinking that I smell, too. 

All of these quirks, from my chipped fingernail polish to my nervous armpit check are small parts that help make up who I am. Ask anyone who has spent more than a day with me and they can probably tell you something they've noticed about me that stood out. Whether that be my makeup-less day or my hair that is pulled back into a bun, they notice.

All too often we judge ourselves based on what we think others are thinking of us. I know I am guilty. Although the above description was fictional, some of the things listed have gone through my mind before. Sometimes I do wonder if other people notice my make up, or lack there of. Sometimes I do wonder if people can smell my stressful day at work. However, the question should not be if they wonder, but why does it matter? Who are we being judgmental for?

If other people were, in fact, judging us the way we judge ourselves - it would sound as silly as my description above. And if they aren't making it a point to point these things out, why are we doing it to ourselves?

5 Reasons Why I Have a Love Hate Relationship With the Gym

I was talking to a friend earlier today about the gym and he mentioned something that I think is worth sharing. He said, "everyone has that one thing they hate about the gym." This statement seems to be true, unless you are me of course, because I have happen to have more than one thing I hate about the gym. It is because of these things that I have developed quite the love hate relationship with it.

It's not that the gym ever did anything to deserve this kind of resentment, it's more about the personal experience I had with it. What I am trying to say is, it's not it, it's me.

Katie's List of Reasons That Contributed to the Love Hate Relationship With the Gym:

1. It is not socially acceptable to drop it low to the beat of the music at the gym.
    Before I go to the gym, I get myself pumped by listening to fast-paced, high-energy music. On occasion, I also partake in the crack-like pre-workout powder as well. The combination of these two energy boosters is highly entertaining. By the time I get to the gym I am often so pumped that I can't help but react to my music in the best way possible. It turns out, this is not a socially acceptable practice at the gym.
    My most recent experience with this was on the ham curl machine. This machine works the hamstrings and gluts (well, if you do it correctly it does) and it does so horizontally. You lay down on the machine, putting the weighted bar just over your ankles and curl up. I put my headphones in, assumed the position and before I could get a fiver in, "I Love It" by Icona Pop came through my headphones and my bottom side started dancing without my permission. It does this often. My head then began to bob from side to side and next thing you know I am ham curling to the beat, and wiggling all over the place. I am telling you from experience, do not try this at home, or at the gym, because apparently it is not socially acceptable.

2. My thigh muscles swell after a few good workouts and all of a sudden the left and right side are inseparable. 
    Leg days are not my favorite for this reason. I really do not like when my muscles swell after just a few good sets and all of a sudden my legs decide to hug when I am walking. They don't normally touch in the middle and I am not a fan of this happening. After all that hard work and exhaustion you'd think they would hate each other and part ways, but nope! Not only do they swell up and touch, they also make me walk funny, which leads me to my next reason.

3. Unless you have mastered the exit walk on leg day, you are screwed, literally. 
    After a good leg day, my muscles are swollen, like I previously stated and it makes me walk funny (or at least I feel like I am walking funny). I always go into the locker room at the end of my workout to  freshen up and check my leg progress. After giving myself a once-over I head for the car. This is where the exit walk comes in handy and unfortunately for me, I have not mastered it. When I take that last walk out of the locker room, after a really good leg day, it looks as though I just did something highly inappropriate in the locker room. It doesn't help that i'm usually sweating, out of breath and my hair is a mess from doing abs on the floor mats. Wonderful. Now, not only are my thighs hugging, I look like I just sinned with someone in the sauna.

4. Protein, protein its magical juice, the more you drink, the more you...?
    Crop dust! That's right. The gym is always so busy when I go that on any given day I can be crop dusted and have no one to pin it on because there are always more than two people behind me. Not that I would ever walk up and accuse someone of doing a drive-by crop dust but, I wish I could. Keep that bottom side plugged up or walk into the bathroom. Seriously. It's gross.

5. In my profession, eye contact is necessary and expected. Be careful where you try it at the gym, though!
    It never fails that every time I am on the inner thigh adduction machine (the sexual ones where you are repeatedly opening and closing your legs) someone always makes eye contact with me in the open position. AWKWARD. While I always wear appropriate gym clothing, it doesn't take away the uncomfortable feeling. Not to mention, when this happens I always look down and double check for holes in the crotch region and then people begin to wonder why I am looking in that area. I can't win.
    I've tried to avoid this a few different ways. Looking up didn't help. Can you imagine someone repeatedly opening and closing their legs with their head thrust back and face toward the ceiling? Not a good look. I think I will just close my eyes on this machine from now on.
    My last gym had it down - they turned the machines toward the wall instead of facing the middle of the gym. Um, duh! This gym needs to figure it out!