To fully understand my surprise and frustration it would be helpful to know the history behind the visit that led me to this astonishing news, as well as my menstrual cycle and the horror it brings with it. Now, I know what you are thinking and don't worry - I am not going to give you in depth details about the less than appealing liquid aspect of my cycle. None of us should have to endure that kind of torture so I will save you the pain and keep it to myself.
Lets start with the history of the little demons mother nature forced upon me as a high schooler and the perfect timing she had that was the cherry on top of it all (sorry - I couldn't resist).
The story began when I was changing into my swim suit to get ready for our family vacation - 8 days on a houseboat on Lake Oroville. Nothing but swim suits, jet skis, water toys and fun in the sun.
"Yeah, right," thought mother nature. "Cue the torture."
She must have been thinking exactly that because as soon as I slipped out of my pants and underthings, I noticed something that would change my life. You guessed it - I started my menstrual cycle the day we were leaving to the land of half naked humans and probably boys. Yep - great timing, mother nature.
I cried. I cried so much. I thought my life was over. All I could think was, not now, not today, this can't be happening. It was the worst possible timing and to the then 14 year old, it meant my life was over.
My mom tried to console me. She assured me my life was not over. She had a solution. And, of course she did - she's mom!
GREAT! Mom's got a solution. We're going to plug this leak up and move on.
Wrong.
Little did I know - young girls my age are encouraged to only use feminine pads. No plugs for me. Well, that is going to look just darling in my swimsuit, now isn't it?
I immediately went back into 'my life is over' mode.
Fast forward a year or two, countless sleepless nights, heating pads and the fetal position and we arrive at "the pill".
Yes, it might come as a surprise to some that not everyone uses birth control to control birth. It is also used to regulate out of control menstrual cycles like the one I was lucky enough to receive. Its almost as if it came bundled up in a little package and, like most packaged deals, you can't just have part of it, you have to take all of it. All of the emotional ups and downs, all of the muscle weakness and cramping, and the multiple days of pain and agony wondering when life will return to the normal state, it's all included in the package. The only foreseeable, long-term solution at the time was birth control.
Those little tiny pills were like pieces of heaven sent down by the gods. Although they didn't take the pain away completely, they turned the 15-17 day horror film into the normal 4-7 day, PG-13 version. That, I could deal with. However, the best was still yet to come.
I was happier than a clam when I found out about Seasonique, a birth control pill pack that regulates your cycle to come 4 times a year. Score! I was on that like white on rice, stink on poop, and any other fitting analogy you can come up with. Now THIS was heaven. With this new prescription I only had to deal with the little ovary demons four times a year instead of twelve. It was still painful during those 4 weeks but it was tolerable.
Fast forward again to this past summer when I was planning the final details and preparing for my life-changing Eurotrip, and you will find me in the Gynecologist's office. The problem: the demons were supposed to be visiting the first week I was in Europe. Considering my track record of pain and agony, that wasn't going to fly.
I asked what my options were and even selflessly offered to sacrifice my week prior to the trip so I didn't have to endure the pain during that first week and that is when I found out the shocking news.
My options were as follows:
1. Move the cycle up a week
2. Or "simply skip the cycle this time around and start your next pill pack early."
Those were the words straight from the horse's mouth. You have got to be kidding me. Since when can we just skip our cycles? I have been dealing with this crap for years and have never been told I can just skip it and not have to deal with it.
She assured me that it was safe and that women do it all the time when things like this come up. It does not harm the body, nor will it affect any normal, birth control-regulated cycle in any way.
I couldn't really tell you if I was happy or upset at this point in time. I was thrilled that I wouldn't have to worry about those little demons while I was traveling but at the same time, I was floored because I had been dealing with the excruciating pain for years and had no idea that I could skip it, even just once.
Why? Why don't the gynecologists share such important information, especially dealing with cases like mine? Is there more money in it for them? Are there really health concerns that come with it that she failed to mention when discussing me skipping the demons for the Eurotrip? Or do all of the doctors, nurses and front desk girls just enjoy the laugh on their coffee breaks when they see these women who can't fight back against those little demons who carry pitchforks and torches and set fire to your insides?
So many unanswered questions but, I am here to share with you this wonderful information:
If you don't feel like dealing with the horror film for a week, if you don't want to face the demons and the pain they inflict on your lady parts, if you just want to go two months or even three without balling yourself up into the fetal position for hours until you fall asleep and are numb to the pain, skip your damn cycle! Why?
BECAUSE YOU CAN!
